Ladder Theory

I remember a while back when 3 Singaporeans were back from Japan for the Summer Holiday. They met up with another Singaporean who had been to Japan on an exchange program the previous summer for dinner. Then, somehow the conversation turned to whether platonic friendships were even possible. From my POV, I think it is, though I can't deny that some people do make friends for a -specific- purpose, or want something more than friendship. But I believe that a man and woman can hang out together, perfectly neutral with each other. And the "Ladder Theory" was introduced into the conversation.

What's the "Ladder Theory"?

I'm not sure how many people have heard of this "theory". I went to read up on it for my debate on exactly the same above-mentioned topic for my Japanese class tomorrow (hip, huh). To summarize, girls have two ladders- the 'Friend Ladder' and the 'Good Ladder' (there's many alternative names for the latter ladder) while guys have one ladder - the 'Sex Ladder'. I remember vaguely about an assembly we had back in AJC where we were discussing about the differences between males and females. The speaker showed a diagram of the respective brains, and the guy's one was like 90% filled with sex.

Moving on about the ladders. Girls have two ladders, because when they meet a new guy, they will tend to judge whether the guy is "date-able" material or just friends material. So if he's date-worthy, he automatically goes onto the "Good Ladder", otherwise he goes to the "Friend Ladder". It's important to note that the two ladders never intersect, they are parallel to each other, meaning that a guy can hardly jump ladders from the "Friend Ladder" to the "Good Ladder" without incurring the risk of falling into the Abyss. It stands true the other way too. Yes, there's an Abyss at the bottom of all ladders, where people just fade into strangerhood. And vice versa; so Exes can hardly ever stay friends for long. On the other hand, guys judge girls mainly by looks, all the way from "This girl is not my cup of tea at all! (runs away)" to "Ooooh I'd like to date [insert whatever positive verbs here] this girl (eyebrow twitch)". And the ladder evidently has different rankings, as represented by the rungs. So the girl who's not his cup of tea is either thrown into the Abyss or is not too far off from the Abyss while the desirable one is obviously high up in the rungs.

Note: Substituted the word.

As you can see, since there's only one ladder for guys, there's no such thing as jumping ladders, or the "Friend Ladder", thus suggesting that guys only have one, and only one, motive when they befriend a girl.

Personal Analysis

I personally do not fully concur with this theory because, as I said earlier, I still believe in platonic friendships. Okay, so there might be a few sparks here and there, but still, those sparks will not ignite a fire. Plus, you have to actively like someone in order for you to stay friends with that someone. You're obviously not going to befriend someone whom you hate with your guts. So sometimes, that feeling of Like might be misintepreted as something else just because the other party shares different genetic make-up from you. If you're straight, isn't it normal that you get attracted to the opposite gender for many reasons? And the term "attracted" here can mean a lot of things, not only limited to romantic love. There's still admiration and respect.

Plus, I believe that friends can become lovers and vice versa, it's not mutually exclusive.

Conclusion

I think the Ladder Theory probably only applies to/was come up by people who have been victims of painful relationships/have not been in a relationship the right way. But to give it the benefit of the doubt, I do think there're elements of truth in it, but only to a certain extent. We shouldn't see society or the system as a one dimensional thing. It's way more complicated than we could ever give it credit for. Yes, we might be able to come up with random theories to appeal to the majority and get a consensus, but that's where you're belittling society. Each individual has his/her own unique way of thinking/solving things. There may be similarities, but you won't be able to find two people who share exactly the same sentiments all the time. For example, if you look at the analysis on Blood Types. In Japan, they are really into that. For Blood Type A, they are said to be methodical, or Blood Type AB to be weird/unique. But you don't expect 100% of all BT A to be methodical, do you? If 90% are, it doesn't count for the last 10% still you know. The same goes for horoscope. If it says that, "Today you're going to meet the man of your dreams", you think all the girls under that horoscope really will? Such theories are only there to appeal to the masses and give them a sort of manual to follow in their lives, which is sad if you think about it. It becomes a superstition, a stronghold over you.

What do you guys think? It actually makes a pretty interesting topic, so do tell me what you think if you have a differing opinion (:

Oh, and there's an interestin BBC quiz about the differences between how a guy thinks and how a girls thinks. Take the test and find out your real brain gender! Heh. http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex/index_chooselogin.shtml