Thank you.

The sky is dark, with a light drizzle, yet with a few strands of sunrays seping through the darkdark clouds.

That's the weather forecast in Charmine-land.
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Have you ever felt so alone even though you're surrounded by people?

Have you ever felt like crying although you just laughed a minute ago?

Have you ever felt like giving up when the race is not even half-finished?

Have you ever felt so far away from God although you know He's just right next to you?

Have you ever dreamt of something you wanted so badly and wake up realising it's all a dream?
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Thanks to all who tagged me and BBF who emailed me asking if I'm okay.

I know I'm acting like such a spoiled brat, screaming for my daddy and mummy.

But I can't stop this feeling from welling within me.

Some days the feeling gets so bad I feel so restless and I start thinking of the things I'm missing out in Singapore.

Every smile, every laughter, every minute, every second I could have spent with each and every of my loved ones back at home.

I'm surrounded with so many people, but I feel so alone. Alone in this feeling, alone in this experience, alone in so many, so many ways.

I never knew it could be so hard.

When I had a bad day, I knew I could go home and cry in my room, but look at my family and know that everything's going to be okay.

Now, I don't have such privilege. When I have a bad day, I put on a forced smile, get through the day, come back into my room, stare at the photo-filled walls and feel even more nostalgic than ever, wishing I could be back with all of you in Singapore.

It gets so tiring, sometimes, sometimes.

Like a merry-go-round that won't stop. Making you go round and round and round until you're dizzy with nausea. Makes you overwhelmed, makes you want to fall off it in an attempt to break free from this dizzying cycle but knowing you'll hurt yourself if you let go. So you grit your teeth and bear with the dizziness and nauseousness of it all.

Sigh.

Feeling whimsical today.

I don't know how I can still act normally, smile normally, laugh normally, talk normally although I'm screaming for release inside.

But Grace, thank you! You reminded me of a very important point: God will give us the strength, so we better not forget what He has given us.

I thank you that You're faithful when I'm faithless.

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It's Mother's Day today. (although it's past the day over here now, but I just want to live in Singapore Time for now)

Happy Mother's Day to my lovely and dearest mummy (: I wish I could be there to buy you a cake, to wish you Happy Mother's Day and to see your smile light up on your face. But I won't be able to do that for the next 4 years.

Sorry.
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I thank you for loving me, for showing genuine concern for me, for being there when I was down. You know who you (all) are.

Thank you for those who tagged me asking if I'm okay. It meant so much to me.

But well, the answer is I don't really know.

I wish I could say I am, but that would be lying. If I say I'm not, I don't think that's exactly accurate either. It's not like I'm dying or anything. I'm just homesick, for goodness' sake.

What do I do now?

Get a grip, Charmine. Pull through it. God will deliver you. He has never failed you, has He?

Have a lovely night.

I love y'all (:



♥, char